It's funny... people think I'm an extrovert. I even got an award for "passion" at my training class. But inside, I just want to get away from everyone and be by msyelf. This training class has especially put me to the test. I dislike being with groups of people, and for this training, about 100 of us basically spend all day together, every day. I can't describe the knot in my stomach I feel when I have to spend that amount of time with groups. Now, I would be happy to have dinner with all 100 people... just let me do it with one person at a time. What's more, this isn't camp; I'm not here to become a "BFF" with somoene, as much as I feel like some people in the group think that's what this training is about.
Furthermore, I'm being trained about interacting with, and being a part of, a company, which is bigger than myself. This is a whole paradigm shift for me. In my career for the last 5 years or so, it's all been about me. If something didn't work for me, I changed it. The idea of working for group goals is a very hard concept for someone who has basically put her own goals first for a very long time. And I have to admit, although I feel like, as a Christian, it's good for me to learn how to put the needs of others above myself, I still feel a little bit of cynicism regarding investing myself in a thing that is a thing, not a person; in a corporation, that has no intrinsic value one way or anohter.
Finally, I'm in a strange city. In general, I love exploring new cities. But I have to admit, now that I'm married, I have found that the one thing that has been steady during this last year of changes has been my husband. Now I'm out here for two weeks without him, and I really do feel alone. It's funny how my perspective has changed about exploration, now that I'm married, and my better half is at home.
I guess I'm just getting old! I used to love new adventures, but right now, I feel a little less adventuresome. Right now, I just want to lay up in front of a fire, with a good book and my honey, at home. :)
1 comment:
an adventure to me is having a house full of children all wanting to be entertained and feed at once. :o)
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